I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How naked do you want me to be?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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