sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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