Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
