When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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