So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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