A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
