Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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