You smell like a Billy Joel song
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
