I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
