my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think people are normalizing furries
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
