trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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