whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
