I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
not ubering you a puppy
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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