He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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