member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
