Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
