she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
