Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
