Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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