Screwed.edu
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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