Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
