One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
