I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
