never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
