Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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