were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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