Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
