I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
