Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
