Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Actions speak louder than pants.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
