Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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