Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
and you fell through a lawn chair
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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