so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
