yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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