@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
