You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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