Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
