He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
