I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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