The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
