FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
