Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
