my room smells like sperm. sweet.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
