1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize