Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
