Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm passing your future prison.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
so much tequila, so little girl.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
