I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
