UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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