My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize