he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
