talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize