mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
