Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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