we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
