I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
