yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
